Learned the hard way

If there's one thing to be learnt from a stag weekend in Amsterdam, it's that Amsterdam is (unexpectedly) fricking hot at the end of April.

No, if there's one thing to be learnt from a stag weekend in Amsterdam, it's that Amsterdam has a metric shedload of excellent bars and cafes where you can sit outside and watch the world go by while you fry in the sun. It also has at least a few naff ones, some of which try to get patrons to top themselves by using an especially depressing playlist.

Actually no, if there's one thing to be learnt from a stag weekend in Amsterdam, it's that the Red Light district is just as bad a you feared it would be, and then a whole lot more. From families, to tourist couples taking photos in front of the windows, to old men in raincoats just .... leering. And man, do the windows look tacky.

Actually, scratch that. If there's ONE thing to be learnt from a stag weekend in Amsterdam, it's that spilling a something-and-pomegranate fruit smoothie down your front does look like you threw up on yourself. Especially when you spend most of the day throwing up. No one to blame but yourself dude, but we're proud of you.... taking one for the team.

No, no. I got it. If there's one thing to be learnt from a stag weekend in Amsterdam, it's that you can survive, and even nearly function, with a lot less sleep than you might imagine.

Hmmm, wait. Actually if there's one thing to be learnt from a stag weekend in Amsterdam, it's that clubs in other countries aren't much better than here, but are louder.

Ok, so looks like there's no one single thing to be learnt from a stag weekend in Amsterdam, but the overarching message is ... I'm way too old for this s**t

Happy new blah blah blah

You get the idea. It's the obligatory New Years post, and it's actually on New Year this time Impressive. So, how was your hogmany? In Glasgow, which is usually so warm and sunny, it was a pretty horrendous night, so bad that the Glasgow celebrations were cancelled. Shocker.

I would do a quick review of my 2006 for ya, but there's not really much to review. Needless to say my DIY tasks didn't really happen. 2006 passed remarkably quickly, while at the same time dragged a lot. Hopefully 2007 will be significantly better, even if the weather doesn't look like it will be. Damn global warming I say.

So, I'm off to get some lunch and ponder what to do this year. No resolutions, other than to try and go on some holidays, which is a good thing, try to blog a little more, and try to take some more photos. Back to work tomorrow. Humbug.

Happy New Year everyone.

Bearded lady in frilly panties shocker

And that was the week that was. Or at least part of a week anyhow. It all started on a wet and windy St Andrew's Day night, which for those not up on special calendars, was Thursday. Actually it was a wet and windy night, and I was where any self-respecting Scot should be, and having a drink (and all important curry) in one of the ample local drinking establishments.

The only other acceptable place to be is on St Andrew's Day is the golf course, since it's a well known fact that St Andrew was the first saint to play golf and subsequently formed the R&A St Andrews, home of golf and its rules. Ok .... so maybe not. But he IS the patron saint of Scotland, and (believe it or not) also Amalfi, Greece, Luqa, Malta, Prussia, Romania, Russia, Sicily, and of Army Rangers, fishermen, fishmongers, mariners, performers, rope-makers and singers.. A busy chap indeed.

Anyhow, yes .. .so it was Thursday and the only person ... the only one to wish me a Happy St Andrews day without being prompted was Stef. And she's not even Scottish! Shame on all you Scots out there. Shame I say. You should buy me beer to apologise.

I was intending to do a quick blog when I arrived home from the pub, but by the time I fought my way through the gale force winds and driving rain I really couldn't be bothered doing much more than sleeping. And then the rest of the weekend whizzed by an alarming rate. Friday I ended up getting drenched again. Saturday was a trip over to Livingston for a night out with Andy (wearing some frilly panties. Go on ... pop over to his blog and ask him why) and Spoo. This resulted in Sunday being a quiet, sobering affair. Ugh. Talk about getting too old for this.

So, was it a work-free weekend you're all wondering. Or maybe not, but I'm gonna tell you. Of course it wasn't. How can one have a work free weekend when MicroSoft employs several thousand people to ensure things don't go according to plan, as yet again SQL Server 2005 fell over on the production server. Still no idea what's causing it. Damn them all to hell.

Lazy weekend

Once again it's been so long since my last entry that I really should insert a semi-plausible excuse in here, but you must have figured it out by now. If not, allow me to spell it out for you. I'm lazy. Deal with it.

Having said that, the last wee while has been rather more hectic than usual. Work aside, I honestly can't remember the last weekend when I had nothing planned. In reality it probably wasn't that long ago, it's just that thinking about it I seem to have been busy in one way or another the last few months.

This weekend was different. I had absolutely nothing planned. Zip, zero, nil, nada. Friday night was a visit to the local pub, the Minibar, with Stephen and Thomas. Mr Andy was absent for the second week running, apparently laid up at home with one of the longest man-flu infections known to man. Much drinking was undertaken but there was a noticeable absence of pool-playing, meaning I couldn't partake of my usual floor-wiping with my opponents.

For a weekend with nothing planned, and a plan to do nothing, it has been remarkably productive. The flat is tidier than usual, the fridge is better stocked than usual, bills have been paid and a tax return has been sent off. I even gave the ole' blog a facelift, so it's looking purty again! Not only that, but for the first time since I moved in the windows have been cleaned. Well the outside of the living room and kitchen windows anyhow. When it gets to the point whereby even Andy comments on how dirty they are then something needs to be done ... even if it is 2 weeks later.

Naturally, however, the plan avoid any sort of work work was never going to happen as our customer SQL Server took a turn on Sunday morning and required some looking at. A quick-fix(tm) was put into place, and an investigation of what went wrong will be undertaken tomorrow, since blatantly I don't have enough to do at work right now.

So, as darkness descends over Glasgow after a remarkably sunny day where I managed to avoid stepping outside, all that remains to do is veg out in front of the TV, get something to eat and have an early night. For all too soon another working week shall be upon us, and with Christmas fast approaching it looks like it might be quite a while before I find another weekend where I have nothing that needs done....

Pipe n' slippers

I am getting old.

Apparently teenagers are shunning email for instant messages. I still have trouble with email. I remember when email was something reserved for people who were doing computer science at university. I remember getting my first dial-up at home. I remember the excitement of sending and receiving emails. Back in those days if you got a couple of email messages a week, it was a busy week. But you could guarantee that every email message you got was a real message, as opposed to spam. These days I get thousands of emails a week, but still only a couple I want to read.

I remember my first mobile phone too. Again, back when very few people had them. They were brick sized and weighed about the same as a bag full of toffee-apples. SMSs didn't even exist at the start, but shortly they were introduced. It cost 12p per message. Now I get 500 a month free of which I use about 30. Seems every kid you see has a mobile their hand and is busy sending texts. Statistics seem to back this up with over 25 billion SMSs sent in the UK last year. That's over 400 for every person alive in the UK.

Technology confuses me. I remember when HTML was in its infancy and web pages were made up of gaudy colours, flashing text and animated gifs. Web Programming meant emailing a form from a web page. I remember the mysterious world of cgi and perl scripts. I remember when php came out and web programming took a leap forward. Now there seem to be more frameworks than cars on the road. Ruby on rails? I seem to remember ruby being about in the old days ... I don't remember no rails. I used to laugh at my parents lack of understanding of email and the internet. Now I am the one being laughed at by kids when I ask what AJAX is, how I grind a Java bean or where I plug in my bluetooth device. And what the hell is scaffolding?

I remember when Wolfenstein 3D came out (1992 that was). And then was amazed when Doom appeared on the scene. Amazing 3D graphics produced in real time. It was amazing a computer could do this AND it was multiplayer ... many an hour was spent playing that in the labs at school. Computers graphics also appeared in films. None of your fancy Pixar stuff, but things like Tron were enough to amaze me. Star Wars (the original ones) were something special.

I used to spend hours in a pub, then could stagger to a club, get a few hours sleep and get up for Uni the next day. Now I'd rather have a few drinks in the pub and go home and have a cup of tea.

Sometimes I long for the good old days. Sometimes I just feel old.

Where's my pipe and slippers?

Moo

A bit of perspective

This evening, as I was packing up at work to come home, I noticed a most odd light coming through the office window. The windows in our office face west, and through them was coming a bizarre orange light, almost as if there was a fire directly outside. It didn't make much investigation to find out the source of this glow was a most excellent looking sunset. A small amount of clouds in a most clear sky. All lovely.

A few minutes later, I opened the outside door of the office preparing for a nice walk home on a clear evening. The door to the office faces west, and blimey Charlie, it wasn't sunny. Not in the slightest. Before me was Glasgow city center sitting under a huge, black, ghost-busters-esque pile of cloud. And we're talking fire and brimstone black clouds here. Obviously I'd done something to anger the Gods.

Or had I?

So ... on earth these days, the estimated population is in excess of 6.5 billion people. That's 6,500,000,000 people. More than you're likely to get at you're average Robbie Williams concert.

To try and make a little more sense of that ... let's say you live to be 80 years old. That's about 29,220 days. And let's assume, that for these 80 years you get an average of 7 hours sleep a night. That leaves close to half a million waking hours in your lifetime. If you spent the entire time you were awake (let's forget eating and anything else you might need to do) meeting people, to get through the world's population you'd need to meet 13,000 people an hour. Or 216 people per minute. Imagine trying to say hello to more than 3.6 people a second.

Now ... those 80 years that you're alive. It might seem like a long time (especially when you're saying hello non-stop) but our world has been around for quite a long time. Earth is estimated to have come into existence around about 4.57 billion years ago. That's about 4,570,000,000 years ago. Suddenly your 80 years isn't looking that long. Your brief time on this planet will equate to about 1/57,000,000th of it's age. To put it another way ... if the world had been around for 1 year your entire life would equate roughly half a second of that time.

So ... are you thinking "Blimey, I'm one person out of 6.5 billion, and I'll be around for a minuscule amount of time"? Well, hold on there a second.

Let's take a moment to put this into perspective. According to the greatest scientific minds in the world (also commonly known as Google), there are likely to be at least 70 sextillion stars in the universe. No .. honestly .. .that's a real number. It's 70,000,000,000,000,000,000,000. Yup ... that's 22 zero's there. So that's quite a lot. Now ... our little solar system here is not large by any means .. and we have 10 planets circling our star. Ok, ok. 9 planets, but when I was growing up there was 10. So .. taking us as an average there are probably over 700 sextillion planets in the universe. That makes 23 zeros. I'm not even going to try and quantify that.

So ... out of an absolutely mind-blowingly huge number of planets our there, we spend a minuscule amount of time on one of them, surrounded by a massive number of similar people. Kinda insignificant, huh?

OK ... so maybe, just maybe it wasn't anything I did that caused the gods to pile mountains of clouds over Glasgow this evening. But you never know. On the plus side, it also puts into perspective the rest of the things I worry about. Suddenly, stuff doesn't seem to matter quite as much....

Moo.

I'll have a q please Bob

Yes, folks. On Saturday I met Bob Holness, from Blockbusters fame. Ahh .. Blockbusters ... those were the days. I'll have a P please Bob. *snigger*

Now .. where was I? Oh yes ... wait. I didn't meet Bob at all. It was Andy. And we were in Coatbridge. Why? you might well be asking yourself. You know, I'm not all that sure myself. But we ended up watching Albion Rovers lose to Celtic (Select) before going to a pub. But not just any pub .. oh no ... this pub had something that no other pub in the world (possibly) had. This pub had a Q. Allow me to explain.

Last time I was unlucky enough to be out in Coatbridge we wandered round a couple of the local drinking establishments having a local drink. At the end of the night we happened across "The Vale" pub, which is one of the many JD Weatherspoon pubs dotted around the UK, which are not exactly my favourite chain of pubs anyhow. I actually thought I'd had a rant about them before, but it appears I haven't ... oh well. Maybe at some point in the future.

Anyhow .. we were merry and toddled in and up to the bar, where drinks were purchased. Upon supping the cool, refreshing drinks it was noted that it looked like a queue had formed at the bar, but such preposterous ideas were put down to one-too-many of the amber nectar.

However, on Saturday we were sober as Judges upon entering the establishment, and lo-and-behold there was a queue. No, really there was. A queue, at a bar. Seriously. I was gob smacked. Never before can I ever recall having seen a queue at a bar. Usually there's a mass of people all waiting to be served. Sometimes people are even served in order, but never, ever ever, ever has there been a queue.

And what was even stranger was the fact the queue appeared to have form without instruction. There was no one at the bar telling people to form a queue. There were no signs up to that effect. People were not pulling out chibs and malkying each other, which was quite astounding in its own right, being in Coatbridge.

So my friends ... the mystery of the QueueInThePubInCoatbridge still remains. More investigation will need to be done.

Until then, this is your intrepid reporting signing off. And remember, some things are stranger than fiction. *cue closing credits*

Going places

I have itchy feet. That's as in liking to travel, not a bad case of athletes foot. Just for clarification. Seeing new places and new things makes me happy, and is a damn sight more enjoyable than sitting at a desk all day. Even the act of getting from A-B is a stress-relieving, enjoyable pass time for me. In fact, in a lot of cases I enjoy the journey more than the destination. That is most certainly true on the journey to work in the morning.

So anyhow ... I was playing with Google Earth the other day and it suddenly dawned on me that I've not been very far in the past couple of months. So .. I decided to see far I had actually been and was I shocked? Well, yes .. I was.

Since the end(ish) of November 2005, the furthest point I've been from my flat is the Coatbridge Adsa. Now while Coatbrige isn't technically Glasgow ... I would argue that it's Greater Glasgow, although I'm sure the Coatbrigionians (or whatever they call themselves) would disagree. So .. to my mind I've not been out of Glasgow in over 2 months.

Now Glasgow's a reasonable size, I suppose. Not quite as big as continental Europe, but you know .. not the size of a shoebox either. But how far from my flat is the Asda Coatbridge? 40 miles? 20? Well no ... in the last 2 months ... I have been no further than 10.04 miles from my front door (as the crow flies). 10.04 miles!!! Now that IS disheartening.

Dodge it yourself

"Let there be light" I proclaimed to the empty hallway, and low & behold, there was light. At least for a small period of time until the bulb went *POP* and I once again found myself standing in darkness. Bugger. Now, I guess it's just the way it is, but trying to climb a ladder and change a light bulb in the dark is not the easiest (or, admittedly, the safest) thing to do, but needs must. How else was I to find my stapler?

Now would you class changing a light bulb as DIY? Well, possibly not .. but I'm struggling here. In 2006 I am aiming to do one DIY task a month. Note that I did not say resolution, and it wasn't an oversight. It's just a plan, ok? So, we're approaching the end of January and nothing has been done yet. Not that I'm struggling for things to do, I'm just struggling to do them.

So ... excluding the light bulb (In the spirit of the game I'll not count that) I've currently got the following on the list for 2006:

• Fit new taps in bathroom (Already purchased)
• Paint round the new boiler (Fitted in Jan 2004)
• Fix new leak in roof (Kinda a priority this one)
• Repaint hall (Lighter colour)
• Redo walk-in cupboard (New floor, paint, shelves, etc)
• Redo entranceway (Paint, new coat hanging thing, box in gas meter)
• Redo kitchen (May replace #2 - if I can afford it)

So these are the things that I would like to get done this year, and I'm sure there's plenty more I could do. Whip the place into a bit better shape so it's more saleable. And for clarification ... although I technically called it DIY, calling in a tradesman to get it done counts as doing it yourself in my book, as long as your paying. Although, I will have a stab at most of the stuff (except taps and new kitchen) and probably just call in the professionals when if it all goes wrong.

2007 is fast approaching

Would you Adam n' Eve it? A week into 2006 already. At the risk of sounding like a stereotypical parent " Where did the time go?" It seems like just yesterday that I was making a sellotape sculpture (read: trying to wrap Christmas presents). In fact, seems like just last week I was in Barcelona .. an that was two and a half years ago.

Must be something to do with age I guess. As much as it pains me to admit it, seems like my folks might have been right on yet another count. Time does go faster the older you get. Or maybe there's a more sinister motive. Maybe the governments are shortening the days. Maybe the terr'ists have infiltrated the sun. Maybe the squirrels mind control device is finally operational. Whatever the reason, time is going too quickly.

I suppose the fact that it's dark when you go to work and then dark again when you come home from work doesn't help. The fact I've been working over the weekend doubtless won't have helped either. But bloody hell! A week already. In fact .. if 2006 were a day long, we'd be over half an hour into it already! Now THAT makes 2006 seem a lot shorter. Hope I've got time to get a holiday or two in before I need to dig out the Christmas tree again...

Cattle-ytic converters

Looks like those pesky scientists are getting bored again. Having solved all the serious problems in the world they've turned their attention to the additional methane produced by the bovine, and ovine members of society. Or at least, so claims the BBC.

Comes as a bit of surprise to me that most of the methane produced by cows comes from their mouths rather than the other end. Just as well they don't smoke.

Fire-breathing cattle, now that would be neat. You never know, that might be where the whole idea of Dragons came from. Back in those days there would be plenty of naked flames about due to the lack of electricity, so maybe all the fire breathing monsters were really just startled cows and sheep. (If you just breathed fire you'd be startled too)

Paints a rather amusing mental image of the true story of George and the Dragon. At least after the battle there'd have been a good stew or pot roast.

Happy New Year

Yes, Happy New Year to you all, even if it is like 3 days late. I would like to say I've been enjoying a relatively computer-free 2006 so far but unfortunately the truth is I've been fairly busy. Not productive, just busy.

So here it is, 2006. My grand plan of 1000miles on the ole' bike in 2005 seems to have fallen by the wayside. Unsure exactly why, but I'm going to blame it on work. Not sure if I'm going to have a target for 2006, or just do away with it. We shall see.

Back to work tomorrow (thanks to the 2nd being a public holiday in Scotchlandia) and it looks to be busier than ever, especially in January which I can honestly say I am not even remotely looking forward to. As soon as 1 is projects I've got is over with things will hopefully settle back into just being very busy. Still .. there is a 15 million quid jackpot on the lottery this weekend ... I think I may buy a ticket.

Impending baked goods catastrophe

Now there's a catchy title if ever I saw one. Just rolls off the tounge. (Rolls, bakers ... geddid?). So anyhow, I am sure you are no doubt wondering what approaching cataclysmic event could prompt a dour title such as this. Well fear not, for I shall explain.

A mere 2 minutes walk from the door to my bachelor pad lies one of the best bakeries in the world, Greggs. If, for the moment, you ignore the fact that they're actually a large chain which is probably forcing small independent bakeries out of business, and the fact that the stuff they sell is probably less healthy than other places and instead focus on the fact that they sell Steak Bakes. Not forgetting their sausage rolls, cheese and onion pasties and sandwiches or (of course) their cakes of which a notable mention has to be made for their custard tarts.

So, anyhow, I trust you now get the picture. Greggs stuff is most tasty and the location of the shop is ideal distance for Saturday morning visits, for their food is not only tasty, but also an ideal hangover cure.

Now, imagine my dismay when, on the last walk down the road, I see a big sign on the front of the shop saying "FOR SALE - Due to Relocation". Bugger!

Travesty! Where are they moving to? Well, I don't know yet, but suffice to say there are no available shop units closer to my front door, which means they will be moving further away. Dagnammit. With any luck it won't be far, but at the present time things are not boding well for 2006.

Ketchup

Yes, it's been a while since the last update, and the reason's not even saucy! (Catch-up, Ketchup, saucy ... geddit? Oh, why do I bother?) I shall blame the lack of updates on being busy, but that's hardly a valid excuse but since it's all your getting you'll have to make to. So .. briefly...

JG's Wedding : A splendid affair down in sunny Bradford. There was much drinking, eating, chatting and general meetage. He really should do it more often (That's the meeting, not the married part).

Glasgow : A quick jaunt back to Glasgow followed the wedding with a whistle stop tour of the city and Loch Lomond (I should probably point out that I had Kirsty, Stef and Steve in tow, and wasn't just pandering to one of my split personalities).

Liverpool : A very quick visit to Liverpool saw us just miss a Beatles weekend (phew).

London : was as London always is. Busy and hot and manky. But not bad all the same. A trip on the London Eye and a quick whiz round the city and we were off to ...

Milton Keynes (Loads of round abouts) - Cardiff (Full of welsh folk) - Coventry (Full of ... folk) - Glasgow Where the trip ended, around XXXXXX miles later. Only a few minor scratches on the hire car which they didn't notice when I returned it. Bwahahaha.

So, that's it. Kept the report short, as it's just about home time. Last week was work and trying to catch up on some sleep, but failing miserably. This week looks like more of the same. Moo.

Gettin' funky

After another trying week of work (or something like that anyhow) Friday night was taken up by a trip to The Arches to watch a mates band, The Mosa Funk Club (go download their tracks if you haven't already) where they were playing The Funk Room.

Situated underneath (as near as, dammit) Glasgow Central station, you'd be forgiven to thinking that the place was a dirty, smelly dive, however you'd be very wrong indeed. As the name would suggest, it is situated in the arches under the tracks, and is in fact 3 large arches. One of the arches is the restaurant and bar, the next is generally empty (and used for functions I believe) and the 3rd is the venue.

Before we toddled along to see the Mosa Funk Club we popped into the restaurant (we being Thomas and me, since everyone else made up some lame-ass excuse) for a spot of food. I had a most tasty seafood bake which amused Thomas no end as he watched me used one of those nut-cracker things on a half lobster. Had to work for it, but man was it tasty. As always, the food was excellent if a little on the pricey side.

After this we made out way round to the Venue (via a pub). Friday was the first time I'd actually been in venue part of the arches and I was mightily impressed. A bar was situated at the end of the arch with the stage at the other. Prices in the bar were not too extortionate and the sound and lighting were very good for a enclosed stone ... er ... tunnel I guess. The place was in very good nick and very clean. Other venues should take note. :)

The gig itself was also most excellent. The Mosa lot were third up, after some odd group with a strange woman and another group that actually used a Keytar. It was almost like being back in the 80s (Not that I went to gigs in the 80s). The Mosa lot were as excellent as usual. This was the first time I'd seen them with their new singer and I was most impressed. (More photos here, with ones from Friday night here. Nice one Thomas).

So Friday was most pleasing. If you haven't seen The Mosa Funk Club live then do so. Upcoming gigs listed here. Do it. Do it NOW! Moo!

Horsing around

So, other than being busy at work, what have I been up to? Well ... arranging FO stuff with Andy, providing tech support to parents, getting pissed off with boss and ... most importantly ... playing the new Animaniacs game, The Great Edgar Hunt which is super-splendid. Great to get some see some new Animaniacs for a change.

Now here's where I go into a big rant about Warner Bros. Why the hell did they ever cancle the Animaniacs? They were the funniest thing WB ever produced. Packed full of humour which kept both the kids and adults entertained. If only they would bring them back! Or even release them on DVD. They'd make a fortune.

So, if you've got a PS2, away and grab a copy. Brand new copies are cheap on eBay if you're short on the ole' cash. And if you don't have a PS2 you can nab one of them on eBay too. It's worth it .. trust me. Yakko is smart, Dot is cute and Wakko is odd (and wears no pants!). And YOU need to get it. Do it. NOW!

Faboo! Moo.

Overdue update

Yikes, just over a week. Where does the time go? I suppose the majority of it was taken up by sleeping and working, both of which I could happily do without. Actually, wait. Not sleep. While the actual sleepage part is nothing special (apart from the whole recharging thing) the just-woken-up bit is worth the 8hours of nothingness that precedes it. Even if it's too hot or cold when you goto bed, when you wake up in the morning it's always just the right temperature. Mmmm.

And this morning was no exception. My gord, I was uber-tired when I woke up and it's was dragging my lazy fat out of bed was the hardest thing I've done in a long time. I was planning to cycle in this morning which, needless to say, never happened. Maybe tomorrow (I'll want to settle down, until tomorrow I'll just keep moving on).

So, even though there's been no post since last Sunday, not a lot has happened really. Some work (too much), some sleep (not enough), some PC fixing for parents (too much), some beer (not enough), some shopping (to much), some photography (not enough), some housework (too much) and some cycling (not enough). That pretty much sums it up.

Went to the Pollok Park Family Day which, despite me not being a family was rather good. Had a fair amount of stuff to do and see, and I got some photos of a horse shoeing and other random shots (Plus more cow photos, obviously). My only complaint was that I was (apparently) too big to be allowed into the bouncy-castle world. Moo. :(

Holy cow

So, more about calves this time. However, now I am talking about baby cows rather than the leg muscle. Ok, so maybe I'll mention both. Since the calf (muscle) is now fine again I thought I'd head out on the bike today.

Trying to decide where to go I remembered Ponder got himself a cow photo so I thought I'd pop down to Pollok park and grab myself a few. There were a pile of really cute calves (baby cows) which I'll post up over the next few days (well, once the gallery's working again. <mutter>Can't get the staff</mutter>.

The there was the F1. Grr .. the BBC really need to win back broadcasting rights as their BBCi stuff would just rock for the whole thing, and the lack of adverts would be a blessing. Plus it would give them the change to ditch that useless twat of a commentator, James Allen. Moo

Holy cramp

On Saturday I got frigging cramp in my calf (that's muscle in the leg by the way, not a baby cow) and it was uber-painful. Plainly I've annoyed the Gods somehow but am at a loss as to how. And, naturally, my leg is still extremely painful at the moment. Still, gives me an excuse to sit about rather than do other stuff.

Although, this also puts paid to my plans of being out on the noo bike on Sunday. Instead I ended up watching Constantine on DVD which I should really do a review of, since my review section is looking a little empty. So hopefully the ole leg will be better by the weekend so I can be out and about.

And while I'm not on the subject even remotley, I was coming back up the motorway at the weekend from doon soof. I stopped at a service station to get robbed of huge amounts of moolah for some more car-juice (that's petrol BTW). So ... I'm about 30 miles south of the Scottish border, on the northbound services. I enter da petrol place to pay for the petrol and greet the pimply faced youth behind the counter in my user manner, to which he mumbles some reply.

Now ... I don't sound like Sean Connery, granted. But to anyone who lives that close to the border (which I am assuming the pimply face youth does) then I am obviously from the north of it.

So .. we've established I'm heading north to Scotland, and am Scottish. And to re-enforce the fact I hand over a nice Scottish £20 note to pay for the petrol (£15 quids worth BTW). So .. using all his o-level knowledge and racking his brains, he managed to enter the details into the till and it proclaimed I was to get five quid back. So he removed a crisp Scottish fiver from the till and started to hand it to me. Then stopped, looked at it, put it back into the till and said I'll just get an English note for you.

Um .. why? No, but really .... why? W? H? Y? I should've asked, but I was tired and had a sore leg, so just left it. But I'm still confused. Maybe he thought I was English and heading south ... but ... gah. Who knows. Moo.

Mmmm, moist

Moist things are better. Yes indeedy. And no, get your mind out the gutter (you know who you are). The world just smells so much better in the morning if there's been rain overnight. You can smell life. The trees, the grass, the plants, etc. And a pleasant cycle in the morning when it's been wet overnight is even better.

Unfortunately it has a downside too. While awaking the senses and increasing your enjoyment of this big ball of spinning mud we live on, it makes actually going into an office to work that much more difficult. How much would I rather be wandering about somewhere than sitting in a warm office in front of a monitor? Well, a heluva lot, lemme tell you.

But, enough of this down heartning banter. As time for much rejoicing is afoot. You'd never have thunk it, but Andy is now engaged to Keli. Much congratulations all round. Ample amounts of beer will need to be purchased to celebrate this chance of a free feed ... So, if you've not already done so, congratulate the man. Go on. Yes, you! And don't forget to say Moo!

Like an arrow

Time certainly flies. Where does it go, I ask you? Is it just me getting old, and if so will it continue to speed up? Sheesh, scary thought that. Exponential life. So, over a week since the last post and what have I achieved in that week you may ask. Well, I'm sure it won't come as a huge surprise to you to know that the answer to that is nothing.

Another CD of photos has arrived from Colin, which will no doubt appear along with the others sometime after the weekend. (Many thanks to Ponder).

With all this photo m'larky, I was beginning to feel out so I blackmailed persuaded James to give me a (temporary?) gallery where I shall aim to stick an image a day. Unlikely I'll actually manage an image a day, but I'm off to a good start with day 2 having a 2nd photo. Woot. Now all I need to do is figure out how to get it displayed automatically over there -------->

Update: So the image is now part of the post ... undecided on that .. but I'll see how it goes. I guess it means I need to do a post per day also. Or maybe not.

Everybody was Kung Fu Fighting

At least that's what Winamp seems to think. Sometimes the random option is like buying a hamburger from one of those mobile food vans that turn up at concerts and stuff. You may end up with the tastiest hunk of cow flesh you've ever had, or you may get a worst case of the runs since ... well ... let's not go there.

Anyhow ... now it's playing Neighbourhood by Space. Much better. Eyes are sore again today, after being fine right up till about dinner time which naturally means I didn't go to get my eyes tested this week. Hmm ... maybe next week. In fact, I could even go tomorrow, but I won't cause I'm lazy.

Got a miniscule amount of work done today, but on the plus side did get a pile of forms signed at lunchtime, and then had a splendid dinner of curry and then Belgian waffles and ice cream with a nice couple of chaps. Mmmm.

An now we have Helicopters by the Barenaked Ladies. While I remember, if you don't read the Bunny Comics then you bloody well should, as they are the best web comic evar!!1!. Anyhow, here's where I was about to tell you that you could now also get hand drawn/painted bunny comics for your very own wall. However, it seems the artist has been overwhelmed by the response and has asked for no more requests at present. Oh well .. maybe next time.

Right .. pub night tomorrow so I shall go get some sleep now. Moo.

Clients are twats

Yes, I mean it. And no, that's not generalising in the slightest. I can honestly say every client I can remember working with has been a twat. Maybe it's only the bad ones I remember, but such is life.

Been meaning to do one of these blog things for a while now, but the time just seems to have slipped away. Seemed to be working most of the weekend which just plain sucks, apart from when Andy popped over to try and lift my spirits. All he managed to do was drink my beer, eat my crisps and waffle on about ColdFusion. No no .. that's not fair, as he did bring a bottle of malt with him too.

And before I forget! Public Service Announcement: Fathers day is this coming Sunday.

I spend most of today tearing my hair out with a client (would you believe it) trying to come to some sort of agreement about a web design. Well, as of 23:13 I believe some sort of semi-compromise has been reached. Unfortunately it's me that's had to do most of the compromising and as such the site looks ... well .. let's just say not as cool as it had the potential to. Still, there's still one final round of revisions so no doubt he'll be pissing me off for the rest of the week too.

Right .. anyhow .. I'm now off to bed, and plan not getting up till the rest of you are in work (Except Colin, and you USian lot). Bwhahaha. Moo.

A day of two halves

Today started off so well. The sun was streaming through the curtains and a nice cup of coffee got the day kicked off and it really felt like it was going to be a most splendid of days. A trip up to the new Morrisons superstore (after Safeway closed 5 days ago) revealed a much nicer store with a whole host of new goodies. Will take me a while to sample them all, as is my public duty.

After a spot of lunch the blind man came. That's a bloke from Hillarys Blinds rather than a visually challenged member of our society. He measured up the bedroom window for a nice set of blinds which should be with me in about 10 days or so. Was initially wanting a set of wooden Venetian blinds, but my windows are too big (height wise) and the blinds would be too heavy, so instead wood effect aluminium ones were ordered.

And then things take a turn for the worse. Since I did sweet FA yesterday, I decided I really should do some work. At the moment I have absolutely no interest in what needs done, and as a result no motivation to do anything at all. So 1hr30 of painful work resulted in some trivial changes that should have taken no longer than 10 minutes in total.

At this point I then hear from da' boss who delivers some not-very-good^* news about work. (^*This may be an understatement). I then came very close to flinging my laptop through the window when I got over pissed off with a simple SQL Query that wasn't working.

So now I'm really pissed off, with piles of really dull work to do and absolutely no motivation. From starting off as a good day, it has deteriorated rapidly to a truly shitty day. Moo.

Faster than a speeding bullet

Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No .. it's ... well ... actually it is a plane. In fact quite a few of them. Flying rather fast, rather close. Ladies and gentlemen, please put your hands together for the Red Arrows.

After Friday night's visit to the pub, Saturday morning's dreary start was even less welcome than usual. However, after meeting with the three other blokes we made out way along the coast to Helesburgh for the 2005 Faslane Fair. The main reason for the trip was the aforementioned Red Arrows, and as usual Thomas has some stunning photos (I may try and put up a couple of my own later).

The other highlight of the day was a most tasty fish supper. You really can't beat a chippie from a fishing town where the fish are fresh and tasty as ... er ... something most tasty. Just go try it, ok?

And, with that we're at the end of yet another weekend. Back to the grind for most people tomorrow, but not for me. Bwhahahaa. Working from home does have its advantages, although many disadvantages too. More on that later also no doubt. Moo.

We have normality. I repeat, we have normality

Things are finally (more or less) back to normal after Scotch on the Rocks. Tiredness has returned to normal levels, vision is back to usual level of blurriness, and headache has gone. Oh, and there is now a comforting lack of cf tags in my vision. Splendid.

I've sure you'll get a full review of the event over on Andy's blog when he gets back, so I shall spare you the details. Suffice to say everything went rather well, and everyone seemed pleased with the whole kit 'n kaboodle.

Much drink was had by all (including Andy on the Wednesday night, meaning he was immensely hung-over on the Thursday when he was doing his two talks). After promising himself he was going to be in bed by 10 on the Thursday, after the 1st pint of Guinness he found himself out till about 3. And then on Friday, just to finish off the week with a bang, he managed to smash the LCD on his phone. Kids, eh?

And now that I'm back I have a metric shedload of e-mails to catch up on, work to do and numerous other things to attend to. Still, I am now older and wiser, and will quite happily admit that Coldfusion has its place in the world. So yes, I guess the whole thing was even worthwhile for me.

Early bird, etc

Blimey. I can confirm this is the earliest I've been up in the last month or so. And the reason for rising at this ridiculous hours? Well, it's all the fault of Mr A. This morning I'm off to pick up a van and help Andy get stuff across to sunny Edinburgh.

And, I'm sure you're all dying to know the reason for this trip over to the Scottish Capital. Yup, thought so. Well my furry little friends (and any non-furry readers - That's not furries BTW) I have been persuaded to attend a Cold Fusion conference. No, unfortunately that's not the exciting field of thermonuclear reactions, but rather the Web scripting language produced by Macromedia Adobe. The event is being run this Thursday and Friday by the Scottish Cold Fusion User Group and is aptly named Scotch On The Rocks.

This week has already been uber-busy with work, with still tonnes I should be doing, so I fear I may have to take a laptop over and do some work at some point. If it weren't being run by the eminent Mr A, I rather suspect I would be skipping it and working non-stop till the weekend. As it is, I think I shall instead be working solidly over the weekend. Gah. I shall rant some more on this at a later date. For now there are things I should be doing.

Bagpipes on your iPod?

According to the free piece of tat given away on public transport around the wonderful city that is Glasgow, the city council have come up with yet another fantastic use for taxpayers money. In an incentive to try and get secondary schoolkids to eat a more healthy diet, each one will shortly be issued with a swipe card.

When buying lunch in school, their cards will accumulate points for healthy lunches. For example, a filled pita, yoghurt, soup and healthy drink which costs about £1.45 (where can I get a lunch like that at a price like that) will gain them 40 points.

These points can then be traded for prizes. For example an iPod shuffle costs 2500 points. An X-box is 3000, while a 20Gb iPod is 4000 points. 100 (subsidised) school dinners and you get a free iPod? Yes, I'm glad my tax money is being spent that way.

End of rant.

Today pipe bands (that's bagpipes, BTW) from all over Europe descended on Dumbarton for the 2005 Scottish Pipe Band Championships (Not to be confused with the World Pipe Band Championships which take place on Glasgow Green in August).

Apparently there were around 150 bands taking part, and boy, did they make some amount of noise. Although, some people obviously play their personal stereo's too loud and had trouble hearing, and for others it seemed to be that fact that they could hear the bagpipes that was the problem.

The weather was lovely, the company, with his camera, was on top form as usual, and there was beer. All in all a very good day.

Famously normal

Apparently Golden Balls (aka David Beckham) doesn't actually have golden balls. And they're not very impressive to boot. No, really. I have it on good authority. Not that you care. Not that I care. In fact, the only person who probably cares is Victoria. But to be honest, I think she's got more pressing things to worry about right now.

They say you learn something new every day, and that's what I learned this evening while having a jolly nice curry. Granted, not the most exciting of things, but slightly moreso than the information that John Cusack almost bought a clock in Glasgow.

Speaking of things that didn't quite live up to expectation (tenuous link there, I know) I saw the Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy on Sunday. Now don't get me wrong, it had its moments. Stephen Fry as the voice of the book was an inspired choice, and Alan Rickman as Marvin was another good casting even if I did think it would never work at the start. The film wasn't a huge disappointment, but could have been so much better. But then, I was never a HUGE fan of the series anyhow, so maybe I'm not best placed to judge.

Well, that's my 2 pence worth anyhow.

Smarter than the average bear

Ladies and gentlemen, the Clyde Tunnel has just reopened after being closed for a short period due to a cyclist entering the tunnel. And it's wasn't me. Bwhahahahaha. Bet he (or she) feels like a right tube. Still, at least they'll have pissed off a few motorists trying to get to work, so all in all not a totally wasted trip. Wonder if they get a telling off, or whether it's just regarded as an honest mistake? Oh well.

Got a new Camera at the weekend and have been taking a few snaps with it. Ok, so not exactly a new camera, but I got it off Mr Ponder since he upgraded his to a fancy new one. Most complicated it is too, but nice none the less. I shall need to be reading up on all this fancy ISO Speeds, and white balance and Photoshop and what not. Or at least ... that's the plan, so watch out Colin Prior.

As the country holds its breath

Yes, election fever reaches its peak tonight, as the whole country waits to see if there's a new Prime Minister and a brighter future for the UK. OK, so that's a pile of bull twaddle. Most people will won't really give a sh*te, not really caring who's in power tomorrow, as one party is pretty much the same as the next. The one thing that will interest me is what the turnout was. I'm betting it's significantly greater than last years 54% ish.

Anyhow, I spent my evening in the pub, as all good Scottish people should. And yes, I did vote this morning, for all the good it will do. And no, I didn't spoil it. Oh well.

But in exciting news, Bia (a pub in West Regent street) is not only one of the few pubs in Glasgow to have Budvar on tap (For all you USians, Budvar is the original, and significantly better Budweiser) but also had Framboise on tap. Never seen that before! (That's raspberry beer, for you uneducated lot).

And my reason for being in the pub? Well, I don't really need one. But I was catching up with some old workmates. And most interesting it was too.

And while I'm here, I may as well point out that I am quite disappointed at a lot of your with your Blog updates. Interestingly, both Colin and Andy both updated their blogs today, otherwise I'd have been bitching about them. Ponder is fairly new to this so I'll let him off for now, and Stephen and Ian need to get their respective arses in gear and get a blog going. But Steph, Steve and James, you need get updating or else I will come down there (or over as required) and ... er ... do something nasty.

Right .. this election whatnot it far too exciting for me (only one seat announced and it's a Labour one) so I'm off to bed.

First of the year

Today is a day to celebrate. The first wasp of the year has appeared at the kitchen window. *groan* In order to try and avoid a repeat of last year, I have now done the best barricade job possible with a roll of black bin bags and some drawing pins. No idea if it'll make a difference, and if it doesn't I think it may be time to call in an exterminator, and try and explain that I don't have a clue where the nest is.

Saturday evening (Kelli's birthday, for those of you with short term memory loss) was an interesting evening. Four couple there, and 3 single blokes. Towards the end of the evening we moved on to Walkabout, an Australian themed pub, in Glasgow. Go figure. It seems the way to make a pub Australian themed is to stick some surf boards to the wall, fill the place with TV's showing sport, and (most importantly) serve nothing but pish beer.

Anyhow, by this time the crowd had been whittled down to three couple and me. Hmm. Talk about feeling out of place. Oh well. The evening was cut short anyhow and I left as Andy was trying to subtlety guide the slightly-tipsy Kelli towards a taxi. The poor taxi driver had a look of dread on his face, but was trapped at a set of traffic lights so couldn't escape. I didn't hang about.

Work is annoyingly annoying as usual. While I have slightly more motivation than when I was stuck in an office, even half a days work three times a week is hard enough. And due to issues with one of the sites, I ended up working till about 11pm last night. I really now wish I hadn't taken any of this work on.

General election tomorrow. Don't forget to go vote. And if you don't plan to vote, at least goto the polling station and write something obscene or amusing on your ballot paper. Try and give poor people counting the votes a chuckle.

Damn you to hell

Yesterday was reasonably relaxing, doing very little except waiting in for Mr Postman to deliver a parcel. 2-3 day delivery my arse. Dabs.com, you are a lying sack of shite. Ordered on Monday and still not arrived.

Which meant today was spend in waiting for the parcel that didn't arrive yesterday, which (obviously) didn't arrive today. And since it was for a birthday present and Monday is a bank holiday, it means I'll be heading to the shops tomorrow to spend more on the item there. And if the item from dabs ever does show up, it'll be getting returned unopened. Have I mentioned they're bastards?

Tonight is Kelli's birthday (Happy Birthday you crazy hephalumping so and so) which means a pub visit is in order. And that means when heading to the shops tomorrow I'll bo doubt have a hangover to deal with also. Splendid. Mind you, been too long since the last reason for a good piss-up, so ladies and gentlemen ... On your marks ... get set ... and DRINK!

Ok, who farted?

So, another Friday, and not a jolly good one. Tried to use the key for my desk drawer in my bike lock this morning and bent it beyond repair (the key that is, not the lock). So, the start of the morning involved a search of the office for a key with the same number I could pinch. Ho hum.

But that wasn't the start of the badness. Oh no. I woke up to my alarm in my usual sleepy state and padded through to the kitchen to grab a quick drink (non-alcoholic) and upon entering said room stopped as my spider sense tingled, alerting me to the fact something was not quite right.

Took me a minute or two, but in the end I realised the room was full of gas. Bollox. So, opening windows ensued along with searching for the source of the noxious gas. Upon further investigation it appears that my oven isn't switching off completely. Double bollox.

So, I debated turning off the gas, but in the end didn't bother. Maybe my flat will have blown up by the time I get home. But anyhow, looks like I'll need to investigate some more at the weekend, but it's likely I'll need a new cooker, which will be over a hunner quid for an el-cheapo gas one. Either that, or I bring forward my plans to get the kitchen redone, but that'll cost several thousand. And with 7 days of work left it's not the best time to be considering this.

Bollox. (Did I already say that?)

Or ... I can leave it till it explodes and get it sorted with the insurance money....

Oh what a beautiful morning

Well actually it's well into the afternoon. And on top of that, the morning wasn't that great although the weather is nice. Although, to be fair, today has passed mighty quickly since I appear to have some stuff to do now. Woohoo, etc.

Very nearly bought a new fangled singing and dancing bike, but in the end decided to postpone the decision for another week while I decide if shelling out all those noodles is a good plan. Hmm .. can't take it with you, eh?

Phoned ye olde' umbrella company type thingy ma bob to find out when my contract officially ends. You can imagine my surprise when I was told it finished on the 26th Feb. *sigh* Seems they haven't received a contract extension. And the invoice from Feb has still not been paid. Joy joy joy. Anyhow, by my reckoning a 2 month extension will take me to the 26th April, which is 2 weeks tomorrow. Sweet, only 11 days to go. Whether I'll get paid for the last 2 months is anyone's guess.

Was planning to get a haircut, as I'm beginning to look like a lion, but with messy hair on the top of my head rather than a golden mane sticking out round the side, but you get the idea. Needless to say I didn't bother, although if anyone asks I'll just claim I didn't have time. That sounds like it was less to do with laziness. Speaking of which, must be about time to start packing up. I can stretch that task out for an hour or so.

How many meals to go?

It seems I'm getting old. I've started planning out what I'm going to eat for the week, like my mum does before she goes shopping. I remember I used to think How dull. Just decide what you're going to eat on the day. To a certain extent I still do, but there's usually a bit of forethought involved. Especially when you're cooking for one <sniff> and what you make can easily do you 2 meals, after freezing or refrigerating at least.

Last night was Lasagne. Mmm ... mmmmmost tasty. If I'd had some blue cheese to bung it, it would have been uber tasty, but I didn't. And since I got absolutely soaked on the way home I wasn't prepared to venture out again.

Got totally drenched again on the way in this morning, but such is life. And only another 3 Tuesdays mornings to go. Most splendid.

Sister set off on her way to Australia on Sunday. Just got an SMS from her from Singapore (where she's spending a few days) informing me she was drinking beer in the baking sunshine. Yeah, cheers for that. That's helped my already non-existent motivation no end.

Aaaaaaaand relax

I was intending to come into work yesterday, even though it was a bank holiday but in the end decided against it. The amount of work I did last week (work out with work that is) and over the weekend left me feeling like I'd just gone 10 rounds with Tyson. Although, I did still have both my ears intact.

So, you would think that since I wasn't being paid for the day (contractor and all that) that I would find something productive to do with the time. Maybe some DIY. Possibly a bike ride. Perhaps even penning a novel or painting a masterpiece. But in fact I did nothing. I know this may come as a shock to many of you, but I really think I did nothing.

In fact, I don't believe I even left the flat. Didn't so much as open the door. Oooh yes. It was a lazy Monday, and it was good. Kinda makes we want to go back to being an unemployed bum.

Unfortunately it made the coming into work today all the harder. Still, only 188 working hours left in this place.

I want an easter egg, dammit

I got soaked on the way into work this morning. Dried off during the day, and then proceeded to get utterly drenched again on the way home. If it weren't for the fact I'm writing this entry I think I may technically have classified myself as being drowned.

Forecast for tomorrow is again wet, so I may duck out of biking it and take the bus. Kill two birds, etc and go give blood on my way home too. Lightheadedness, rain, darkness, busses, busy roads and bikes probably don't mix too well. We shall see.

Spent today trying to see if the MS Office Assistant, Mr Paperclip understood any rude, or even amusing, commands. It seems not. Most disappointing. In the afternoon I tried it with the Office Cat (which is just the cutest Office Assistant evar!!1!) but to no avail. Think Microsoft missed a huge opperchancity there. May try the dog tomorrow, but I have a feeling it might possibly be a waste of time.

All change please

Ever get the feeling your stuck in a rut? Same old, same old. Day in, day out. Trapped in the large hamster wheel of life?

That's how I felt on waking up yesterday. Well let me say to you brother (and sister). No More! Not the life of drudgery for me. No more unbearable monotony. I though things will change, and was determined to make it so.

Breakfast was again toast, but only cause I ran out of milk. Not to worry, right after breakfast I'll start. Don't quite know how but somehow I will.

Considered going to a different supermarket, but had something to drop off on the way to the usual one, so ... went there. But that's where it started. The change has begun. The unstoppable landslide of new things has begun .. possibly just a grain of sand now, but as it goes it will pick up momentum.

I bought a different type of detergent!

Unsurprisingly, the rest of the day was pretty much the same.

*sigh*

What the world needs now

Is toast, sweet toast. Well, not sweet toast, as in with Jam or sugar or anything. Unless that's how you like it of course. Horses for courses and all that. But I meant sweet as in good. Obviously. But there is not enough toast, of this I am sure. If everyone in the world had more toast it would be a much nicer place to live. Trust me.

Last week kinda dragged in, and this week has more or less done the same. It's been a bit quicker, but still not super-zippy. Heh, and not Zippy as in George, Bungle, Rod, Jane, Freddy, etc. Last week there wasn't much to do, but this week has been the exact opposite. I know I wanted something to actually to, but this is ridiculous.

You'll no doubt be super-glad to know that the killer squirrels on the roof have not re-appeared, meaning there's been no mini exploding hand grenades to pick up. See, I knew you were concerned.

This is also the 1st week I've used my bike to get to work all 5 days, and already my legs are complaining. I'm sure it'll be good for me in the long run, but at the moment walking is a bit of a luxury. Think this weekend will be spent vegging out.

Blue arsed fly

Man, what a busy weekend, and preceding few days. Lots of work, freelance work, haircut, cycling, F1 watching, shower fixing, kitchen fixing, etc etc etc

The engineer dude came on Friday to fix the shower, which the plumber managed to break on Monday when installing it. Idiot. And I also managed to piece back together the kitchen after the plumber fitted the new stop cock. So the ole' homestead upgrade is complete, and things are returning to normal.

This week has kinda dragged in, even with being busy. Since just before Christmas I have noticed that the weeks have just flown in, and it seems like just yesterday I was thinking about buying Christmas presents. I dunno what it was about this week, but it seems like ages ago since last Monday. This is not a good thing. Possibly boredom is setting in properly....

Woah! A two headed goat!

So tomorrow signals the start of yet another week. Nothing special planned, but hopefully it'll fly by. I shall keep my fingers crossed. Also hope the weather stays nice for the whole cycling to work thing. It actually seems to provide me with a more motivated feeling arriving at work. Not that it lasts. Significantly better than sitting on a bus full of depressed people for 40 minutes anyhow.

Attacked from above

I think I am under attack. Not 100% sure, but something odd is going on. I suspect it may be killer squirrels with a bad batch of small hand (paw?) grenades. They don't seem to be detonating, but maybe they're just waiting till I'm least expecting it....

Allow me to elaborate. On returning to the ole' homestead after a hard days work I noticed some small red spheres on the floor in the lounge. They're hard, red, and about the size of a bit of un-popped popcorn. Having no idea where they came from I chucked them out and didn't give it another thought.

The next day there were more on the floor, so I had a hunt around, but found nothing. Most odd. And then I was sitting there, and heard a strange noise. On investimigation I see something coming down the chimney, bouncing off a log and flying into the room. About five of them come down and then it stops. WTF?

Since there's no one living on the roof, and the things are too small and light to be thrown in from a distance (not that there's anywhere to throw from) I can only assume it's those pesky killer squirrels having a laugh. I'm still debating what to do about it, but rest assured, when I figure it out I'll let you know.

Falling apart, literally

So far things have been going reasonably well. Don't get me wrong, maintenance has had to be performed, but it's all been short-term patches which have fixed themselves over time. Any other work has been proactive and preventative, rather than reactive.

I've had it for just less than 28 years, and so far haven't broken or damaged it significantly. And nothing has failed severely enough to warrant permanent intervention. It doesn't need glasses or artificial parts. It doesn't require regular medicating. It basically just ticks along, doing its job without making much of a fuss.

Until today.

Got my first filling this morning. The first permeate, non-natural maintenance has been performed. No longer is it a 100% self-healing machine. It has begun falling apart. Maybe only a tiny piece, but one which represents a major turning point. True. Mentally I may have been going downhill for years, but now also physically.

Won't be long till I'm walking up the road, look down and notice I'm missing an arm. Dammit! Why didn't I take out the extended warranty....

Sleepless in Shawlands

Why is it, every Sunday night, no matter how completely knackered I am, I cannot get to sleep? Maybe it's cause of the longer lies during the weekend. Maybe it's the dread of work the following morning. Maybe it's the aliens hovering above my flat with their ray-guns. Who knows?

Yet another busty weekend. Or busy rather. A busty weekend would be a fine weekend indeed. Spend a fair amount of time working on this website that I'm doing freelance, as well as filling in a whole host of (paper) forms for various things. They seem to have been piling up for ages. Still got about 3 to do, but there's no real hurry for them .... yet.

TV ariel people came on Saturday too, and stuck a nice digital ariel on the roof meaning I now get a clear picture for the first time in about 26 months. Who'd have thunk it! And what with the plumbers due this afternoon, it's like a flat upgrade.

Run ragged

This weekend I've been as busy as a ... er ... busy thing on a particularly busy weekend. You know how it is, just as you finish one thing and catch your breath you suddenly remember yet another thing to add to your list. And by the end of the weekend your list was longer than it was when you started, and you feel twice as tired. Almost looking forward to going back to work to get a bit of a breather. OK, so that's a lie.

Anyhow, the bike has new tyres on it and is somewhat cleaner than it was before. A very quick test of it seemed to show an occasional rubbing noise coming from the back, but it's working well enough and I'll have a look at it later in the week. Still planning on riding to work this week to see how it goes. Except for Thursday that is, as I've got another job interview and ain't turning up on my bike for that.

What the feck has happened to Haddows? The jakey's best friend. The offies have all turned into "Haddows Locals" selling groceries along with the booze. It'll confuse the hell of the drunken bums when the stagger in and come face to face with a packet of Crunchy Nut Cornflakes. Reeling from shock they'll find themselves in the "Chilled food" cabinet and impale themselves on a Pepperami while being showered with pre-packaged sandwiches from the top shelf. The world just ain't what it used to be.

jake/jakey Noun. [Scottish/Glaswegian use]
1. A drunk, a meths drinker. Derog.
2. A down and out, a homeless person. Derog.

Another one bites the dust

Been muchos busyos over the last few days. OK, some of it was work but the main reason being that I just got Max Payne 2. Yeah, OK, I know it's been out for ages, but for a number of reasons I never got round to getting it.

I played the original when it first came out and was mightily impressed. Not as much so as when Doom made it's debut, but still, it had a well though out story line and good game play and, of course, bullettime.

So, anyhow. I was not even remotely disappointed with the sequel. A most splendid game, and one of the best sequels there has been I believe (OK, again, apart from Doom and Doom II - Let's not even mention Doom 3). True to the original, and quite rightly so. Why change when you've got a winning formula. But that's it finished now. There's always the other game play modes I guess, but it'll be a year or two before the next sequel.

Once again, a piece of music from somewhere caused me to stop dead and listen. This time the end theme from the game. Performed by Poets of the fall the piece was called Late goodbye and is well worth a listen. They're a Finnish group and their CD ain't available on Amazon (grrr) but I think I shall be sourcing a copy very soon.

We're in the money

Ladies and gentlemen. I am now rich. Oh me, oh my. Oh yes, for on Saturday evening I did indeed win the lottery. But alas, I am unable to give you all money as my winnings were smaller than Colin's desire to return to work. I won the lowest amount you can win, a paultry £10. Still, better than a kick in the teeth.

Being the lazy bugger that I am, I bought my ticket online, and didn't bother to check the numbers. Then, on Sunday evening an email arrived telling me I was a winner and to visit their website. Well, let me tell you, I was as excitied as a puppy chasing a new squeaky toy. As I entered my login details I was imagining the tens of thousands I had won, and tentativly wondering if maybe it was a million or two.

After login a pop-up greeted me (after I told FireFox to allow it, such was the level of my excitment) but it still did not tell me my winnings. I had to visit my account before I found out it was a tenner.

But, fear not. This is just the start of my winning streak. Mark my words. Soon I shall be rich, and smite you all.

The magic shower

I have a magic shower. Oh yes I do. Now this piece of magic shower kit was installed in 1991, back when water had just been discovered, and it is in need of an upgrade, to say the least.

Now don't get me wrong. It still works. Well, works as in heats the water. And this is a bit of the problem. It has a digital readout (which was probably really cool and sophisticated for 1991) which goes from 1 to 8. One of the main problems at the current time is that the selector doesn't really work, and it randomly chooses a temperature of water to supply. And more often than not the temperature it selects is 9....

So, time for a new shower. And this is where the first hurdle appears. Now, I have no plumbing experience, but I have been assured by a couple of people that changing an electric shower is relatively straight forward. So I was willing to give it a go. On examining the pipe work I did, however, notice that my flat has no tap between it and the mains water supply. This means that, for example, if my kitchen tap needed a washer changed, I would have to turn off the water to the entire block of flats. Not good.

Adding in a stopcock is not something I could even begin to consider myself. So a carrier pigeon has been dispatched to the Acme Plumbing Company, who are set to arrive on the scene at 2pm on Monday to give me an outrageous quote for fitting a stopcock.

It looks like 27 months after moving in I may finally get the shower fixed properly....

Damn the wee man

Just got an email from Colin who's busy touring India at the moment. He left around the start of November, so he's been away for about 1/4 of a year now and I thought it was time to find how things were really going.

Still I definitely feel I made the right decision jacking in work. Even the thought of being back at the NHS still fills me with dread!

Nice. Thanks for that. Here I am, stuck at work, reading emails about him living the high life in India. The hardest part of his day is apparently deciding whether to have another beer or not. Honestly I don't see how that can be hard ... of course you'll have another beer!

So, is he missing his job and the company of his friends so much that he'll be jumping on the next flight home? Will he hell.

Long term plans are mucho liable to change, but..... Perhaps a plane from Chennai/Madras to Singapore and then travel north through Malaysia/Thailand/Cambodia/Vietnam/Laos kinda of area. Maybe China? Maybe back down to Indonesia? I was speaking to somebody who said it was easy to get a job English teaching in Taiwain/South Korea. I wouldn't mind giving that a go if I could get a 3 month contract. And although it's a long way off a working holiday visa in Australia still sounds like a good option.

Oh well .. looks like I'll be stuck with the usual drinking buddies for the time being. Nothing like emails in this vein to brighten up an, otherwise dull, working day.

On a lighter note ... at least the new design on the blog looks better.

The Wonderful World Of Blogs

It used to be business cards. Then it was mobile phone numbers. Now it's blogs. "Do you blog?" "Where's your blog?"

Dammit! I feel left out. I want a blog. I want to be RSS'd. I want to fit in!

So here it is. An install of MovableType, complete with a hideous default layout. Not the most appealing thing in the world, but give it time. It will grow into a thing of beauty. Trust me.

Well, at least the layout will. I have no idea what I'm going to write about, but I'll do my best. Now all I need are some readers...